


Mind of Mine

by syrenhug



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Aromantic Niall, Bisexuality, Demisexuality, Depression, Friendship, M/M, Male of Color, Music Refs, Personal Growth, Religion, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 01:15:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8350570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syrenhug/pseuds/syrenhug
Summary: But they are older now. They know what it means to be both first place trophy and participation award. Liam's still scruffy but his eyes are weary. Zayn won't even look at himself in the mirror anymore for fear of having no reflection.(In which one direction starts as an underground indie pop band but doesn't end that way.)





	1. BeFoUr

**Author's Note:**

> eh. i p much wrote all ten chapters so 
> 
> this gets progressively sad and then funny. like me.

"What are you looking at, babe?"

He scrunches his nose and his boyfriend scrunches his nose back. They're all spread out over the living room of their flat, trying to come up with some new lyrics. "You need a shave, starting to look a bit scary, Li."

Liam goes back to writing, biting the back end of the biro. "What are you trying to say?"

"You look sexy with your hair pushed back." He teases.

Harry taps his fingernail on Zayn's knee. He's splayed across the floor, obviously slacking off to practice some new yoga poses. "I thought we promised we'd wait, Zayn."

Liam finally answers his comment, smirking at his papers, "I know."

"Lads, don't start this now, I've only just gotten my head straight." Louis complains. Niall, who's been quiet all day, rises his head off the arm of the couch.

"So you agree? You think you're really pretty?"

"We're not doing this. I said no."

Harry laughs and it's like four kittens frolicking in a meadow; so cute that Zayn hates him."God, Louis, you can't just say no."

Louis rolls over unto the floor, nearly kicking Niall in the face. Niall retaliates by punching him in the stomach and Harry, bored, decides to tackle them both.

He rolls his eyes at them but can't help the bubble of affection he feels for his best friends, his brothers. Liam's right leg is shaking as he stares at the front door, deep in thought. The pen falls out of his hand and in between the couch cushions.

He asks, even though he knows he won't get an answer, "What are we covering tonight, babes?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Please."

"No, I'm supposed to surprise you."

"How romantic." Zayn mocks but finds it sweet, for lack of a better word. For someone oblivious about a lot of things, his boyfriend, might as well be husband (soulmate kind of makes that a moot point), is good at spontaneous romance.

"I try." Liam says and then jumps into the tackle - slash - tickle fight happening on the floor.

* * *

"Stop fighting." He says a few hours later. Liam is driving the van, equipment stuffed in the back seat and trunk.

"Yes, mum." Louis crosses his arms, looking like a small, grumpy hedgehog. Harry is fast asleep in the middle, snoring softly. He glances out the window and gets lost in the blur of the trees but only makes himself slightly dizzy. He's always been prone to car sickness.

"Ow!" He hears and looks over to his boyfriend for help. Liam shrugs, playing with Zayn's fingers over the gear lever.

Zayn turns around. "For fucks sake, Lou, do you need a time out or something?"

"It's not my fault Niall has such pinchable nipples."

Niall groans. "I have to pee."

"Why, Niall, why didn't you say something sooner? I'd love to hit you in the crotch."

"Okay, kids!" Liam jumps in after Zayn makes to unbuckle his seatbelt and strangle them both. Louis flips him the bird. "Let's put in a CD."

That perks them up. It's rare for Liam to allow them to listen to anything because, like children, they manage to get into an argument on a certain selection every time.

Niall recommends 3OH!3 and thankfully, Louis doesn't argue.

Harry wakes up after the second verse of _Streets of Gold_ and whines, rubbing his face into Louis's stomach. "Are we there yet?"

Niall snaps, "Obviously not, Hazza." and they all stare at him. Harry rubs his eyes, grin growing and he already knows what's going to happen.

"Don't do it." Louis warns.

"Can I get you anything? Some snacks? A condom?"

"Not today, Satan!" Louis yells and they all start slapping each other. Niall threatens to literally pee on them both, Harry making frog faces but giggling over Louis' singing the wrong words on purpose.

Zayn catches Liam's eyes. "We're not having kids."

His soulmate only grins.

* * *

After they finish performing their set, when Zayn's hands feel pleasantly red and raw from drumming, Liam settles things down for the cover.

Harry is grinning. As the only person who can't play an instrument, he's an active performer, loves to dance and jump and interact with anything and everything. It drives Zayn mad sometimes because he likes to just chill but Louis seems to think it's cute and Niall does whatever the fuck he wants, watching them all do their own thing and often enough going along with it.

Liam points at him, eyes crinkling. They're all sweating, all flushed from the lights and moving and it's not quiet but it's not loud either. The fans are chanting something and he breathes, breathes, breathes this moment because it'll end eventually. All good things do.

"This one's for my soulmate and love of my life. Here's Wonderwall - I'm just kidding, Louis, Jesus Christ -

"Don't bring Jesus into this, mate!" Louis plays a gross note on the piano in displeasure.

"Here's The Only Exception."

He knows the song, obviously (Paramore was one of his favorite bands). Liam would never put him on the spot without telling him to sit one out or something. But it sounds different because it's being dedicated to him. That means Liam had thought about him while listening to it. It makes him listen to the lyrics closer. Wonder which one's are especially for him.

 _You are the only exception_ , they all sing, harmonizing, and Zayn has never been more okay in his entire life.

* * *

"Just take my card. You'll need a manager at some point."

"We don't need one. Nothing of ours needs to be managed."

The man clenches his jaw, obviously frustrated and ready to argue. But, suddenly, Liam is there. Hand on Zayn's hip and brown eyes hard. "We have a problem here, babe?"

Usually he's not a snitch but fuck this guy. "Yeah, he won't take no for an answer. Wants to manage us."

Liam hums, looking the man up and down. Stiff black suit, perfectly styled hair. The exact type of men they try to avoid. "Leave my soulmate alone."

The man's eyes widen then narrow. "Fine. Call me when you realize your future."

Zayn goes to take the card but Liam gets there first. The man walks off angrily, taking out his phone. What a prick.

Liam is squinting at the font on the card. Zayn eyes him, used to his soulmate ripping it up and having a laugh over it later with Louis. "Well, go on."

His soulmate glances up, expression unreadable. "I will. Later."

* * *

 _Louis:_ tell your husband to get the fuck out of me and harry's room

Zayn tilts his head in confusion then purses his lips.

 _Zayn_ : I told him to come straight back from the store he's probably stalling

 _Louis_ : ??? did i ask? just get him out

 _Zayn_ : do you wanna fight mate

 _Louis_ : yeah square up bixch harry will cheer me on

 _Zayn_ : okay but harry would literally burst into tears if we fought. remember when you punched me and i punched you back that one night, he about had a fit

 _Louis_ : that's because liam come out of fucking nowhere and tried to beat me up i almost died you fucking loser

 _Zayn_ : that's what you get for almost cheating on harry tosser

 _Louis_ : i repeat: get your shit out of my room

 _Zayn:_ i don't own him, he does what he wants

 _Louis_ : ......................that's so funny harry i love your jokes

_Read 11:02_

_Louis:_ i'm at the height of my comedy right now motherfucker

 _Zayn_ : you're not at the height of anything to be honest

 _Louis:_ come say that to my face

Shaking his head, he gets up. Stretches hard enough that his bones start to pop. He looks around and decides to go get his soulmate before Louis attempts to murder him. Amazingly enough he doesn't even have to go into the room next door because Liam is hanging out by the lift, staring at it like he wants to get on and leave.

"Liam Payne, what are you doing?"

Liam jumps, almost falling over. One of hands goes behind his back as he attempts to look innocent. "Nothing, just hanging out. You know, in front of this lovely lift, like I do. Sometimes. Or tonight."

Zayn nods. "What are you hiding behind your back, then?"

"Uh."

"Uh? Never heard of that before."

Liam's jaw tightens like it does before he gets really frustrated. He pulls his hand from it's hiding place. Zayn takes it, opening up to find the candy he'd wanted. And some condoms and lube. Which was - alright.

He laughs, unable to help teasing. Because this is what Liam and him do; make fun of each other until they either have sex or argue, which usually leads to sex. Either way it's a win - win. "What's their name, then?"

"What's whose name?"

"The person you're cheating on me with?"

Liam makes a face. Wraps his big hand around Zayn's neck to steer him forward. "Shut up and get back in the room."

"Ah, they hiding 'round the corner?"

"I hate you."

"Love you too."


	2. BoRdErSz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can't - " He thinks of his sisters, his parents. All this disappointment he feels for himself mirrored on their faces. "I don't want them to know, I don't want to bother them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll probably update like once a week, i don't know 
> 
> next chapter is when stuff slopes downhill i guess or not
> 
> maybe i should tag this with internalized homophobia cause i guess there's a bit of that

He dreams and doesn't remember them but they leave a bad taste in his mouth when he wakes up. He reaches his hand over, finding Liam's stomach. He rubs it, laughing a little when his boyfriend whines and squirms out of his touch. Sitting up on the side of the bed, he bites at his knuckles.

"Why are you awake, baby?"

Zayn stares out the window. _If you like making trouble up in hotel rooms_ , Harry sings some nights. He wonders if that's all this is - what he and Liam share. Trouble. "I don't know. I feel - I just feel."

A pause. Then, a deep sigh. The light flickers on and he jumps, surprised at the sudden brightness.

"What are you doing?" He questions, immediately feeling guilty.

"If my boy is up then I'm up."

For a minute, they just look at each other but he crawls back on the bed and they kiss. It should be the same every time but it's always different, always a new way that Liam licks into his mouth and Zayn pressing his fingers to the scruff. It's still dark, probably barely three.

Liam pecks him once more on the lips, then kisses him on the forehead, pushing Zayn's head onto his chest.

"What's this about, then? Who am I having a talk with?"

The lamp is an amazing thing to focus on. He squints. "I miss my parents."

Fingers trail down his spine. He shivers. Liam's voice is still rough with sleep but he seems knowing. Aware. "If you want to go back -

"I can't - " He thinks of his sisters, his parents. All this disappointment he feels for himself mirrored on their faces. "I don't want them to know, I don't want to bother them."

"I wish I could help you."

 _You do,_ he wants to say. Zayn bites at his boyfriend's nipple. He wiggles, laughing when Liam's knuckles find his most ticklish spot. He laughs, practically giggling when a mouth attaches itself to his neck and blows a huge raspberry.

He tries to squirm away. "Get off me, demon."

"You started it."

"Well, I'm finishing it."

Another kiss, but they turn the light off because it's easier to know a person when the only thing you can see is their shadow. Not that he has that problem with Liam. After four years, he's seen enough. Too much.

Eventually, they fall asleep tangled together over the covers. Both shivering, both cold.

* * *

 

 _Niall_ : i'm confused why we're in the groupchat when we're about to be in the same room

 _Louis_ : shut the fuck up nail file nobody asked you

 _Harry_ : don't be rude louis

 _Liam_ : making my way downtown, walking fast, faces past, what the fuck is going on

 _Zayn_ : same

 _Niall_ : what if someone doesn't like me

 _Louis_ : well i already dislike you immensely and the world hasn't ended yet

 _Harry_ : you are being so awful today

 _Liam_ : he's like this everyday, this is your soulmate, haz

 _Zayn_ : get him a muzzle i heard they make those for hedgehogs now

 _Louis_ : Drake told me to ignore my haters and i trust him so bye

 _Liam_ : aw is the baby crying? is he sad because someone finally told him off

 _Zayn_ : Liam

 _Liam_ : too much?

 _Zayn_ : too much

 _Liam_ : i'm sorry now i feel bad

* * *

"Well, hold the applause. I know I'm fantastic, but please try to maintain your excitement." Louis announces when he arrives twenty minutes late with his hands tightly intertwined with Harry's and the entire room laughs, some noticeably brightening. It's cute, how much some of them stan Louis and Harry.

Harry, ever his soulmate's biggest cheerleader, laughs too. Zayn exchanges an exasperated look with Liam. Niall seems only mildly irritated at their perpetual tardiness.

It's pretty informal and they've only done this twice but they have a pretty nice fan base for a bunch of proper nerds with too much time on their hands. They mostly just sell merch - shirts and little accessories that he'd put together. He feels proud every time he sees someone wearing something he's made. They all have their different things, projects, and this is Zayn's.

The room they'd rented was perfect for a kickback, essentially a large living room. Someone steps in front and asks him to sign their obviously recently purchased tank. Louis is manning the welcoming desk, Harry glued to his side. Niall, overseeing the purchases, keeps getting distracted by the attractive people filtering in. Zayn gives him a finger wag when he looks in their direction.

"Sick shirt." Zayn compliments, pointing at the person's they/them shirt so they'll know what he means. They smile, all tiny teeth and dimples. All he can think is _aww_. "What's your name, babe?"

They seem genuinely pleased that he even asked. "Taylor."

"Oi," Liam exclaims loudly. "That's what I'm naming my first born."

"When did we decide that?"

"When I said it just know." His soulmate grins. Zayn decides not to comment. He knows to pick his battles.

After he's written something short and sweet, he talks to Taylor a little more. They're sweet and only a few years younger than himself, explaining their classes. Zayn misses school the way you miss being a kid; more than you would think.

Pictures come next and then the general chilling and the whole room is loud, hysterical at Niall laughing at Louis' jokes that aren't even really that funny but still manage to get everyone going. He gets anxious after a while. Liam notices, putting his hands over Zayn's eyes tightly. It helps him to relax.

When it ends, later than they'd planned, he's both relieved and sad. Another mini childhood that's ended.


End file.
